Over the past few days, I have gone through some of the weird weather conditions which are one of the many things quite renowned for around here. Where I live, there have seen some seriously strange forecasts from time to time.
For about a day at the beginning of this event, the temperature dropped to absolutely freezing, and then the next day, it rose up again and returned to normal for a while… And then for some reason it went back to really cold the day after.
Two days later – about a week ago, it got super wet, and the temperature went up by about ten degrees, which was way off kilter.
The weather didn’t stabilise for another few days, producing some very diverse changes. After dealing with nearly a week this weird weather, I stuffed an raincoat into my bag and carried it with me wherever I went.
On a number of occasions I was very relieved to have it with me.
Later in the same week, my school was buffeted with a weird combination of mist being tossed around by a lot of wind, in the middle of an on and off hailstorm. It wasn’t exactly the best day to be going out to school.
Fortunately, when the mist finally cleared up a bit and the hail changed into breaks of light rain, the weather finally began to stabilise again.
I wish I could say the whole experience was unusual, but its not the first time I have experienced something like this; not even close. It’s kind of one of the quirks of living here.
A few other – and perhaps even stranger – experiences took place during this, misty, windy crazy hailstorm event. Such as me having to deliver my brother’s love letter to his very angry girlfriend, and also this other thing which also happened that involves me, a very pissed off queen bee, and her confusing and incredibly annoying cousin named Daniel.
But I’ll get into the very angry girlfriend thing first.
I know I’ve written quite a bit about Evan’s diverse range of many very rocky relationships he’s had over the years. I have had the pleasure of meeting quite a number of his girlfriends, in a wide range of very different and awkward circumstances.
Evan’s relationships last anywhere from a single week to a a few months. His girlfriends seem to be over with him as suddenly as they first began seeing each other.
Well, Evan decided it was a good idea to send me out as a peacekeeper to his most recent girlfriend – related disaster, who he told me he had, apparently, ‘accidentally broke up with.’
Evan’s vagueness about the subject wasn’t encouraging. I’ve found its usually a sign that the breakup ended particularly badly.
It wasn’t something I ever would have agreed to, like, ever, but unfortunately, I kind owe him something pretty big. And I don’t really like owing him anything. I knew he would only come up with something worse if I didn’t do this to for him.
So, hardly able to believe myself, I agreed to go talk to Evan’s ex.
Evan seemed convinced it was such a good idea. Because, apparently, me and her talked a few times when she came over.
He gave me a bunch of roses to offer her, with a little note attached to them, and a wrapped up present. Evan also offered me a few pieces of advice, but not the kind of advice that actually helps when your about to talk to someone’s ex.
‘She… Has a cat. A dog. She has a dog. A really nice dog.’, he informed me, giving me an not – very encouraging smile.
Evan advised me to tell her he was spending all day up in his room, crying and heartbroken. When I pointed out that he wasn’t spending every day up in his room and he didn’t even really appear too bothered by their breakup, he explained to me that it was a metaphor.
Evan also told me to make sure I ‘reminded her what a perfect guy he was.’
He included a few other complimentary things for me to give to his ex, including an incredibly horrible poem, and the very helpful fact that his girlfriend apparently owns a skateboard.
After that, he seemed convinced I was ready, and he sent me away to go talk to her.
There’s an hour of me sneezing constantly and trying not to breathe in too much of the toxic perfume of the flowers, while also trying to follow Evan’s hopelessly vague directions.
I get lost (twice), and had to call Evan a dozen times so he could clarify the route.
It was a little hard not to get frustrated wandering around with next to no idea where I’m going, or even where I actually am, while being stuck in the middle of this relentless allergic reaction.
But it gets even worse when Evan stops answering my calls at all. He leaves me a final message, ‘don’t worry you’ll be fine!’ and then stops responding to my texts, too.
Finally, after what felt like forever, I arrive at the right house.
I was surprised I made it through the whole trip without throwing the stupid flowers into a bin somewhere along the way.
Well, I actually knocked on the wrong house first, which was, of course, very embarrassing and awkward.
When Evan’s ex opened the door, I thrust the flowers at her, desperate to be rid of them.
She looks a little bit confused when she sees me standing there, and I am remind once again of exactly how weird and wrong this really is.
‘Ummm, who are you?’ She asks, frowning.
‘Your boyfriends little sister’ doesn’t sound quite right, but I can’t come up with a much better option.
I blurt out, ‘You and Evan broke up, right?’
She gives me a slight nod. The weird look she’s giving me stays.
‘Evan wanted me to give these to you.’
She takes the flowers. And sneezes.
‘Who are you?’ She asks, looking down at the flowers with distaste.
‘I’m-‘ I should lie. I have to lie. Anything is better than telling her I’m his sister!
‘I’m. His sister.’
Ugh, god. I should have thought this through way earlier.
Of course, her reaction is to look at me with an expression of are you serious?
‘He sent you here to give this to me’, she says, a little doubtfully.
I pull the poem from my pocket and hold it out to her.
She accepts the poem, unfolds it, and scans it rapidly.
Then she folds it up again, while looking like she would rather crumple it into a ball and throw it at me.
‘Great. Thanks.You can tell him I’ve received his stupid gifts.’
She starts to close the door again.
I am tempted to let her, since I’ve already sort of done what Evan asked me to, but I know I am never going to convince him I have paid for this stupid favour unless I actually put a lot more effort in.
‘Wait,’ I call quickly.
She opens the door again, glaring at me. ‘What?’ She asks sharply.
‘I – um, wanted to ask if you were okay.’
It was the best I could come up with. As I said, I hadn’t actually done too much planning on how this conversation would play out.
‘I’m fine.’ She clearly, very clearly, wants me to leave. In fact, she looks ready to slap me.
‘Look, I get Evan can be… Complicated. Sometimes. And, he’s really, really stupid. I know that. He needs a lot of help with his relationship skills.’ I think being honest is the best chance I have here.
I add, ‘You two looked really happy together, and I saw you both going out last week.’
She doesn’t slam the door. Instead, she crosses her arms and says bluntly, ‘Evan played a stupid prank. Is that what you want to know? He ruined my wardrobe and half my room! Apparently he thought it was a great idea to kick a bucket full of paint all over my – all over everything. He ruined my entire bedroom!’
I wasn’t exactly sure what she meant at first. A moment later, she explained it like this:
‘He wanted to create a portrait of me. He thought I would think it was romantic, since I did it for him before. So he took my paint, and my brushes, and then, he – he tripped. Like that was a thousand dollars of my paint supplies. Gone, with all the other things he managed to destroy with them.’
Evan has had quite a few ideas in his past that definitely have some resemblance to what she’s describing.
‘And that’s not even it.’, she continues. ‘He dated my best friend without telling me anything. They broke up night before he met me! He knew, but did he bother to tell me?’
I gave myself a major surprise after that when I managed to persuade her my brother was worth a second shot.
I think it was a story I told her about us, from way back when we were a lot younger. It’s one of the few moments where Evan decided to be a super nice to me.
Still a moment I can’t mention without him getting embarrassed about it.
I also came up with as many positive qualities of my brother as I could think of. (I surprised myself here, too.)
I think she and Evan still liked each other a bit, which was probably why she even listened to me at all.
We ended up sitting on a couch together inside her house, talking about her very complicated relationship with Evan, where I may have learned a few too many awkward details about their past few months together.
It was probably one of the most awkward experiences I’ve had in my life, and trust me, that’s saying something.
All I have to say is, Evan is incredibly lucky that his girlfriend is – well, was willing to give him a second chance. He is literally completely clueless when it comes to girls.
So I had convinced Jessica (that’s her name, by the way,) Evan deserved some small amount of forgiveness, and I thought it was over. It probably would have been over.
But then Evan managed to ruin it. Again.
See, his ex -girlfriend has an allergy. One which involves a lot of vomiting and other very unpleasant symptoms.
Evan had at some point forgotten about this allergy.
Those chocolates he gave me to give her, wrapped up in the present? They contain one of the things she’s the most allergic to.
There was the unforgettable moment where she opened the present.
I figured out something had to be wrong two minutes later, when she was still staring silently down at it.
When she looked back up at me, I could kinda tell she was mad.
So she yanks her phone out from her pocket and dials Evan. He picks up on the first ring and their very short conversation goes something like this:
‘Hey! Jessica! I’ve been trying to call you for-‘
‘Thanks for the chocolates.’
‘… You liked them?’ He sounds a little bit hopeful.
‘Yeah, I’m really going to enjoy puking these up in three hours.’
There is a very long silence, where I think Evan figures out the horrible mistake he has made.
‘Oh god, Jessica, I’m-‘
She hangs up on him.
I’m not sure whether to feel a little bit bad for Evan or just really pissed off at him.
I take another look at Jessica and I know instantly the odds of her ever giving evan another chance have dropped to far below where they were when this started.
Jessica is looking down at her phone like she wants to throw it somewhere. After a moment she explains her allergy in some detail to me, and also how many times she had reminded Evan about it.
‘Evan sent you here, didn’t he?’ Jessica asks. ‘Instead of talking to me himself.’
‘Yes, he did,’ I admit, because at this point there is no point in denying it.
‘He is unbelievable. Unbelievable. And for a moment I actually thought I might forgive him!’
I don’t know what to say. To be honest, I’ve become convinced now it’s probably best if she doesn’t try to forgive Evan.
I mean, he can’t tell me I didn’t try. It’s his fault this all went wrong. And come on, how many times can he be so dumb?
The best thing I can do right now is get the hell out of there.
Jessica takes my arm and says quickly, ‘How do I tell him that we’re done? He just doesn’t get it. He won’t stop calling me.’
She continues, rapidly. ‘You need to go back and tell him that I’m with some other guy. Like, I’m with this guy and we’re kissing and all that stuff.’
‘Okay, sure. I can tell him that. Anything else you want him to know?’
Jessica looks like there a lot of things she would like Evan to know.
That is basically how my visit to Evan’s ex turned out. Wow. Definitely an experience.
Well, at least I’ve paid back that favour now.